As you can see, I thought I'd do a little something different for today's strip. After all, this is the origin of why I have lost all ability to not say things I shouldn't say.
I remember near the end of my first and only real relationship, I had already fucked up pretty bad by becoming that cliche "mooching loser boyfriend", but I was 22 and fucking retarded. She did the best she could to stick with me, but when we went from living together to me moving back to South Florida and doing the long distance thing, I started hearing about all the guys in her life moving in on her.
She was the sweetest, most innocent girl I had ever met and didn't see their advances as being what I knew they were. So I told every guy I knew at the time that I was considering explaining to her just how horrible and God awful men really are, knowing I would have to throw myself under the bus to do so. Naturally, they all unanimously told me it was the dumbest fucking idea they had ever heard and that I'd be a sell out to men everywhere by doing so.
I was already a pretty honest guy, I figured why would I want to keep ANYthing from someone I had considering spending the rest of my life with? At least, that's what I told myself. Looking back on it, it was really more of just me wanting to sabotage any chance any other guy up there had with her by making her distrust every member of the male species.
More importantly, I wanted her to understand how truly fucked up us men are and I would rather her learn by me just flat out telling her than someone taking advantage of her trust. In retrospect, it really wasn't my position to do so, but I did it nonetheless.
What followed, well, that's a story for another day, perhaps. Needless to say it didn't end well, but it's been five years, we've both moved on and occasionally talk from time to time. I remember a blog on AskMen.com way back in the day from a guy named Doc Love, and he used to get a lot of e-mail from guys talking about wanting to get back with their ex's. His response was always the same.
"You get ONE chance with each woman. If you blow it, you blow it."
It was near impossible for me to understand that back then, but these days, I'm a firm believer in that. I've seen all of my friends break up, get back together, break up, get back together, and it's always worse and worse each time. So before you go thinking I've been alone for this long because I still hold a torch or anything, just know it's not the case. I wish her nothing but happiness and don't regret a thing.
Rather, what ended up happening is that being able to be flat out honest was such a refreshing change of pace from the usual "trying to tell the girl whatever they want to hear to get some" that us men are accustomed to, that I decided to keep doing it. Over the years, I've had a couple brief dating periods, but none that last all too long.
The thing is, I've had absolutely no drama in my life from members of the opposite sex. Granted I haven't had a whole lot of intercourse with them either, but after seeing what people I know have gone through over the years with their relationships, I really don't feel like I'm missing out on all that much.
So, L.B., today's comic is to thank you for putting up with me as long as you did and letting me basically experiment on you like I was Walter Bishop or something.
I know that I'm usually pretty up front about my life in both the comics and these blogs, but even for me, this one was kind of personal. It's not only to try and relate to some of you out there, but anytime a girl I meet wants to know what kind of person I am, I'm just going to tell her to read these comics.
When she does and doesn't call back, I won't be surprised but I'll be saving us both a lot of headaches further on down the road.
And if, by some chance, she DOES call back...